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Keywords:

• that's just murder math

Comment: corknut

Keywords:

• I was overdressed for Casual Friday

Comment: corknut

Keywords:

• disease-free‚ with supporting evidence

Comment: corknut

Keywords:

• I'm really more of a before rehab friend

Comment: corknut

Keywords:

• today might be the day

Comment: that I finally crowdsurf 💣 corknut

Keywords:

• it's like a party‚ except terrifying

Comment: corknut

Keywords:

• shy trek

Comment: baobabble

Keywords:

• can you please move over?

Comment: I have to kill someone 💣 baobabble

Keywords:

• real Russians have no proverbs

Comment: we have vodka and misery 💣 baobabble

Keywords:

• let me be your traveling pants

Comment: baobabble

Keywords:

• crime scene selfies?

Comment: corknut

Keywords:

• can I take a picture of this?

Comment: sometimes my friends don't believe my stories 💣 corknut

Keywords:

• I don't give as many fucks

Comment: although that's not really true; I give many fucks 💣 corknut

Keywords:

• I'm calling in sick

Comment: because technically, I'm sick of their shit 💣 corknut

Keywords:

• give a man a hammer‚ he'll build a house

Comment: give him a sledgehammer and he'll knock the walls out of that house; he can't help himself 💣 corknut