IC contact for wethelost

[devoutish]

Solomons & Melborn
1108 Sweet Cream Street

[Feel free to use this space for letter/package deliveries as well as visits/knocks on the front door!]

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[devoutish]

I won't go anywhere.

[He tucks himself around Royce, chin against the top of his head.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce just lets himself curl up and be held. There's no reason to not allow it, and he's tired and he wants physical affection. It's getting easier to admit that. It's going to take a while for him to relax, though, thinking about his world - the elves, Mercy, the longing for something he hasn't ever had - and about Alfie's - the bombs, the family he's never met being gone in an instant, guns. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie's thoughts aren't dissimilar. He thinks of Royce being alone, of bombs, of Mercy being alone, of elves dying of thirst, packed like fish in a shipment crate...

He'll sleep eventually, but despite the comfortable bed, it'll be uneasy.]

[bywolves]

[ He really needs to stop bringing up bad memories before he falls asleep.

He's been okay the past few weeks as far as nightmares go. He hasn't had any, or if he has, he doesn't remember them when he wakes up. But tonight, he's reminded of the elves in the wagons, and he's reminded of the bombs that are supposed to go off back in Alfie's world. There's a certain amount of guilt that curls up in his chest and spine from letting the elves go and makes it hard to breathe, makes it hard to sleep. Why didn't you go after them? You should've. The cries echo in his ears, and his breathing shudders in his sleep as he shifts restlessly. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie, not really awake but not quite asleep enough not to notice, pulls him closer.]

[bywolves]

[ This is familiar. Usually, this helps, but tonight he's too stuck in his nightmares.

Tonight, he dreams about Alfie and his family jammed into the wagons, dead or dying, carted off to some prison - he dreams of Hadrian bleeding out in front of him, murmuring that he's glad Royce is okay, dreams of Hadrian's eyes going flat and lifeless as bombs that sound like guns go off sudden and short, deafening, and Royce knows even before he's awake that Alfie is dead, that he died in an explosion as his family begged for water around him and Royce jolts so hard out of sleep that he nearly pulls something.

He's trapped, he's pulled in close, and Royce thrashes a little, shoving Alfie away from him and trying to scramble out of bed with a wheezing gasp of air, panicked and horrified. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie's arms loosen automatically with the shove, and he rolls back, propping himself up on an elbow as he peers at Royce.]

What--

[He's still half-asleep.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce practically launches himself out of bed and then just keeps going. He's halfway to the door before he stops and turns to look at Alfie with a deer-in-headlights look. He's there. He's alive. Okay, just - okay.

And then he keeps going, out the door and down the stairs to quietly have a panic attack in peace, away from Alfie, away from the tree. ]

[devoutish]

Royce--

[He follows, stumbling, in bare feet. When he gets to the top of the stairs, he calls down.]

Royce! Do you want me to come, or do you want to be on your own?

[bywolves]

[ No answer, but he's - effectively gone, for the moment. He's good at vanishing into the dark when he needs to be, and he thinks he should be. He hates falling into these with Alfie around, it makes him feel worse. ]

[devoutish]

[And so Alfie follows.

He knows he's not likely to get anywhere, and sure enough, when he reaches the ground, Royce is nowhere to be seen. So he wanders out to the beach, to the surf, and just stands in it, alone with his thoughts.]

[bywolves]

[ A little while later, he'll hear Royce approaching, deliberately making enough noise for Alfie to hear. Alfie will feel pressure against his back, between his shoulderblades - the sensation of Royce pressing his forehead there, holding on to the back of Alfie's shirt with one hand. ]

Don't go home. [ Royce says, voice raw and broken. ]

[devoutish]

[Stay here. In a rush, the true meaning of what Royce had meant comes to him, and it breaks his heart. His face crumples, and without turning around, he reaches behind him to hold on to the back of Royce's head.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce closes his eyes and holds on tightly, hiding his face. His shoulders tremble, but he's not crying. Not anymore. He's just upset to the point of distress. He doesn't say anything else, not wanting to beg or be even more outwardly vulnerable. ]

[devoutish]

Heartsick.

[His voice is choked, too.]

When I said I was homesick and heartsick - that's what I meant.

[bywolves]

[ Royce sighs out a shuddery noise. ]

I don't want you to go home to die. [ He mumbles, almost like he didn't hear Alfie. ]

[devoutish]

I'm not gonna die, Royce. I'm not.

[He lets go of Royce to shuffle around to face him.]

[bywolves]

[ He actually wraps his arms around Alfie, something he doesn't normally do - holds onto him, face hidden. He feels like he's eight years old and curled up in a barrel outside a tavern. The nightmares really shake him, sometimes. ]

You're already going to die far before me. I don't know how long I'm supposed to live, but it'll be longer than your natural lifespan.

[devoutish]

Do you really wanna deal with me for any longer than that?

[It's a weak attempt at a joke.]

[bywolves]

[ His grip on Alfie's shirt tightens. ]

Yes.

[devoutish]

[Alfie just hugs him back hard, both arms wrapping around him tight.]

[bywolves]

[ For a while, he just stays there, eyes closed, letting the waves soothe him back down out of his panic. He's okay. He'll be okay, and they'll be okay, and maybe Royce can make a deal with Zephyr or something. If Alfie dies, Royce can bring him back. It doesn't have to be permanent, that's what these places have taught him.

He gradually loosens up, and his breathing evens out, and he leans heavily into Alfie, exhausted from the stress. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie loosens his grip when Royce does, but he doesn't let go.]

I love you.

[He'll always say that, again and again and again.]

[bywolves]

[ It's good. Alfie tells him, again and again and again, and Royce believes it. This is different. Alfie represents a whole lot of important people all compressed into one and Royce doesn't know what he'll do when he loses it.

He's raw and ripped through, but he tries words anyway. ]

Love you. [ That's what he can manage. It's a lot, and it's weak and he's a little scared to say it out loud (because what if it means Alfie dies, like everything Royce loves), but it's true enough. ]

[devoutish]

I know.

[Even though he rarely says it, he doesn't need to for Alfie to know it's true. There's a part of his head that keeps saying it now - I love you, I love you, I love you - but he doesn't say it out loud, letting it hang silently in the air instead.]