IC contact for wethelost

[devoutish]

Solomons & Melborn
1108 Sweet Cream Street

[Feel free to use this space for letter/package deliveries as well as visits/knocks on the front door!]

Comments

[devoutish]

I need that from you more than I need guilt, Royce. One hundred times more.

[bywolves]

[ Royce's jaw works, expression a little hurt. ]

I know you do. I don't understand why you think I want to feel guilty, Alfie, I don't. It just happens. I keep telling you that and it doesn't stop just because you tell me I shouldn't.

[devoutish]

I've never thought you want it. I told you, it's a cage, not a badge.

[bywolves]

You can't get out of a cage unless you can break the lock, and I don't have the strength or the key.

[devoutish]

I believe with every bone in my body that you do.

[bywolves]

[ He sighs, and slumps down, closing his eyes. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie does the same, though he stays standing up. Fuck, he's exhausted.]

[bywolves]

[ Deep breath. Exhale, slow. ]

I'm sorry for shouting at you.

[devoutish]

I'm sorry, too. Got a bit too worked up to be patient.

[bywolves]

[ The apology eases his shoulders up a bit. ]

I don't usually get that angry. I don't know why I did.

[devoutish]

Mm. Might've been the stuff Monty said, yeah? I worried that what I had to say sounded too much like...

[He trails off.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce finally turns around, leaning against the sink. He can't quite meet Alfie's gaze yet, but. ]

It did, a little. [ He brings an arm across his stomach and holds onto his other arm with it, a little defensive. ] I thought I was doing better.

[devoutish]

Of course you are.

[bywolves]

I know. Felt like you were saying otherwise, kneejerk. I know you weren't.

I shouldn't have brought it up to begin with. We were fine.

[devoutish]

No-- no, don't do that. Don't go back to hiding.

[bywolves]

[ He pulls his arm in closer, gaze on the floor. Quietly: ]

I wish I could fix this faster.

[devoutish]

Do you think getting the memories will help?

[bywolves]

I don't know. Maybe.

[ Absently, he brings up the hand resting against his other arm to rub at his chest. ]

I want closure, mostly. I want to see if there was an end.

[devoutish]

If we do it, mate, no matter what happens or what we see - I don't believe it will break us.

[bywolves]

No, I don't think it will either.

I just don't want to see the way your face gets when you bury what you're feeling in order to help me. I don't want you to resent me because you have to comfort me again. I don't want to see you get angry and upset and lost when I shut myself off to try to stop you from having to comfort me. I don't want to see you sigh and be disappointed when I can't get out of bed for the third day in a row.

[devoutish]

[Alfie's shoulders shudder. He doesn't want any of those things, either.]

[bywolves]

That's what I mean when I don't care what it does to me.

It wears you down. I can't be the cause of that, not again. Not matter how much I try and help you in return, it is always uneven.

[devoutish]

[He closes his eyes, heaving a sigh.]

I can keep saying it over and over again, Royce, but will it make any difference?

[bywolves]

[ He bites his bottom lip. Chews at it, almost, almost enough to make it bleed. ]

I'm working on it.

[devoutish]

Okay.

[Just hearing that is enough. Slowly, he slides down the wall until he's crouching on the floor again.]