IC contact for wethelost

[devoutish]

Solomons & Melborn
1108 Sweet Cream Street

[Feel free to use this space for letter/package deliveries as well as visits/knocks on the front door!]

Comments

[devoutish]

So work on that. We'll do that together, too.

[bywolves]

[ His grip tightens again. He visibly struggles, for a long moment, like he's fighting with himself, and then, like it hurts to say, like it's humiliating: ]

I'm scared to.

[devoutish]

[Alfie's fingers curl, then uncurl - and then he holds out a hand to Royce.]

Do you remember the day you brought me to the beach in the evening?

[They've gone to the beach in the evening plenty of times, but he's thinking of one time in particular - not a time when they'd just decided to go together, but a time when Royce had taken him. He'd been melancholy and broody and generally down in the dumps, and Royce had done it to calm him and do something nice for him.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce doesn't see the hand at first - it takes him a good long moment to actually look over his shoulder, and when he does, he hesitates. He's still holding onto the sink with a deathgrip. ]

... Yes. I do. [ Or at least - he's pretty sure he knows what Alfie is specifying. ]

[devoutish]

I need that from you more than I need guilt, Royce. One hundred times more.

[bywolves]

[ Royce's jaw works, expression a little hurt. ]

I know you do. I don't understand why you think I want to feel guilty, Alfie, I don't. It just happens. I keep telling you that and it doesn't stop just because you tell me I shouldn't.

[devoutish]

I've never thought you want it. I told you, it's a cage, not a badge.

[bywolves]

You can't get out of a cage unless you can break the lock, and I don't have the strength or the key.

[devoutish]

I believe with every bone in my body that you do.

[bywolves]

[ He sighs, and slumps down, closing his eyes. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie does the same, though he stays standing up. Fuck, he's exhausted.]

[bywolves]

[ Deep breath. Exhale, slow. ]

I'm sorry for shouting at you.

[devoutish]

I'm sorry, too. Got a bit too worked up to be patient.

[bywolves]

[ The apology eases his shoulders up a bit. ]

I don't usually get that angry. I don't know why I did.

[devoutish]

Mm. Might've been the stuff Monty said, yeah? I worried that what I had to say sounded too much like...

[He trails off.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce finally turns around, leaning against the sink. He can't quite meet Alfie's gaze yet, but. ]

It did, a little. [ He brings an arm across his stomach and holds onto his other arm with it, a little defensive. ] I thought I was doing better.

[devoutish]

Of course you are.

[bywolves]

I know. Felt like you were saying otherwise, kneejerk. I know you weren't.

I shouldn't have brought it up to begin with. We were fine.

[devoutish]

No-- no, don't do that. Don't go back to hiding.

[bywolves]

[ He pulls his arm in closer, gaze on the floor. Quietly: ]

I wish I could fix this faster.

[devoutish]

Do you think getting the memories will help?

[bywolves]

I don't know. Maybe.

[ Absently, he brings up the hand resting against his other arm to rub at his chest. ]

I want closure, mostly. I want to see if there was an end.

[devoutish]

If we do it, mate, no matter what happens or what we see - I don't believe it will break us.

[bywolves]

No, I don't think it will either.

I just don't want to see the way your face gets when you bury what you're feeling in order to help me. I don't want you to resent me because you have to comfort me again. I don't want to see you get angry and upset and lost when I shut myself off to try to stop you from having to comfort me. I don't want to see you sigh and be disappointed when I can't get out of bed for the third day in a row.

[devoutish]

[Alfie's shoulders shudder. He doesn't want any of those things, either.]