IC contact for wethelost

[devoutish]

Solomons & Melborn
1108 Sweet Cream Street

[Feel free to use this space for letter/package deliveries as well as visits/knocks on the front door!]

Comments

(Hope this is ok)

[aibolition]

Alfie.
Or whoever reads the mail in that house, I don't care.

Where's Emily?
I haven't heard from her and it's been kind of longer than usual.
Is she sick or something?


-Kurosaki

totally okay!

[devoutish]

[He gets his response about half a day later.]

Emily is gone from the Meadous. My condolences.

- A.S.

[aibolition]

[He's... never lost anyone while like this. At least, not in this way. He's lost plenty of people because he wasn't their ichigo, because he was a hollow, a threat. He's lost just about everyone that way. But any actual loss, he always felt that as Ichigo. Not as himself.]


Isn't this supposed to be the other way around? She's your adoptive daughter. Or something like that.



You don't think she's coming back? That pokey guy did.

[devoutish]

[The next response takes a little longer to come back - nearly a full day.]

I don't see how we could have any idea whether she will or not.

[aibolition]

You've been here longer than I have, you

No, you're right, that was a stupid question.


What are you going to do now?

[devoutish]

Keep a space for her, in case she returns.

[aibolition]

[His own reply takes a while to return this time.]


You probably don't, but if you find you need an extra set of hands for anything, I'm not too hard to find.

[devoutish]

[Awww.]

Thank you. You're a good lad.

[aibolition]

Ugh. Don't say stuff like that. I've got a reputation, you know?

[That's a bit of a joke. More seriously (and only somewhat crossed out but not beyond visibility);]

I don't know how to take things like that being what I am. It gets twisted up in my head. Just

It's nothing worth thanking, really.

[devoutish]

I mean what I say. You should be a man and learn how to take it.

(i can't believe he's telling this to alfie out of everyone, oh boy)

[aibolition]

Alright. You're an honest man. That's fine. I can be honest too.

I don't mean I can't take it because I'm some pathetic fool. I mean I literally can't. My soul is broken. Not in a boo-hoo way. In the way that there's an actual hole in me. It screws with my head. I am pretty much terminally an asshole because anything else makes it feel like I'm dying and worse. Even Mom knows about it. There are things I can't say and that I can't understand even if it's a simple frigin concept. Not unless I put in some stupid amount of effort in shredding myself up. Like some dumb fairytale curse or something.

But I'm not a coward. If I was afraid I wouldn't have let Emily near me.

Alfie like "oh hell i'm Too Tired for this"

[devoutish]

Shall I tell you what I believe, then? I'm asking because if you do not care, I won't bother.

Sorry Alfie, everyone around you is a mess

[aibolition]

Well it would depend on the answer. If you want to tell me to screw right off now I'm not gonna cry about it. And I won't say I'll necessarily agree, but

I'm listening. What do you believe?

[devoutish]

You're a thinking being, and if you're capable of this much self-reflection, you're capable of improving yourself. Your situation might make it more difficult, but I cannot believe that it's impossible.

[aibolition]

Other beings like me go nuts. Every time. They lose it and they kill everyone they care about. I only know one who kind of turned out okay in the end but she probably went crazy at first too. I'm already pushing this past where it can go.

I can tell Emily mattered because her being gone sucks. Not knowing what to do about this sucks. I can tell I gave a crap about my old asshole friends and Dad because I'm pissed at what they've done. I can tell who still matters to me because I've given everything for that bastard and I'd do it again for Mom.

So yeah, I can work it out. I'm already trying anyway. But I can't think of a reason why. And I can't just make myself perfectly fine just like that. There isn't a man alive or dead who can do what I'm doing. Can't I just let myself be kind of a jerk? It took me so long to figure all this out. I want to be able to breathe sometimes.

[devoutish]

You can let yourself be whatever you like. All I ask is that you accept all the consequences that come with it.

[The consequences, in this case, apparently being Alfie calling him a good kid despite it all.]

[aibolition]

Ugh. Fine. Be that way then you old jerk.