devoutish | IC contact for wethelost

Well, the shakes.

[Which he's pretty sure doesn't actually need to be said, but.]

Nightmares, of course. Anxiety. I'm keeping on, of course; we both are. We're not about to fall apart.

[ With everything that K knows of Norfinbury, the other symptoms are hardly a surprise. Those tremors though... Hopefully they're not permanent. ]

Of course. You already survived it before. [ Stated matter-of-factly; he didn't ask in order to make Alfie feel weak. Then, in a quieter tone: ] But I can imagine it might make Royce feel guilty. [ Because if K were in his place, he knows he'd feel guilty watching his closest friend suffer like that. Especially considering why Alfie wished for the memories in the first place.

He still wishes there was a way for him to help, however small. ]

[A shadow crosses Alfie's face, and his fingers curl more tightly around his mug of tea.]

He didn't want me to do it, at first. Said he wouldn't force me to live though that, and suggested that he drop the idea entirely. We had quite an argument about it.

[He sighs, closing his eyes for just the briefest moment.]

But we're both doing better with it than we worried we would.

[He does worry about Royce's guilt sometimes - worried that it's there, even if he's not voicing it. But he doesn't want to be the one to bring it up, if it's not bothering Royce enough for the effect to be obvious. If he really is dealing with it well, and healthily, harping on it would be a bad thing, right?]

[ These memories of Norfinbury seem like far more hassle than they're worth, just a detriment. He knows better than to say that, though, not wanting to trivialise what either of them are going through. His opinion on the matter is irrelevant, anyway. ]

Does it get disorienting? With the memories being of events you... this you, didn't technically experience directly. [ He can only hope that makes sense. As much sense as this multiverse, multiple timelines business can make sense. ] If I'm understanding things correctly.

Yes. Not as much as I would have expected, I suppose, but yeah, it's disorienting.

[He cuts himself off for just a moment, rubbing at the bridge of his nose.]

In Norfinbury, there was a short period where we were experiencing what you might call alternate realities. Different ways our lives could have gone, you know. I've still got all those memories, and plenty of 'em contradict, but they all feel real enough - still, even now. That, there, is the most disorienting bit of all.

[ Maybe he's pressing Alfie too much, K thinks as he watches him. It had been helpful, the way Royce had once pointed out that he asks a lot of questions — a surprisingly polite way of telling him to stop without simply ending the conversation. He's tried to be more mindful about not interrogating people since then. ]

Were any of the alternate realities pleasant ones? It's Norfinbury, so I'm assuming not, but... [ He tilts his head. Here's hoping there were moments of relief amidst the seemingly endless torture and death that went on. ] It sounds very interesting, at least.

Not truly pleasant, but relatively so. Yeah. People can get used to nearly anything, and they can find space to rest, as well. But--

[Here he raises an eyebrow.]

I wouldn't say that interesting is the word I would use, mate.

[ Getting to experience alternate realities seems interesting to him, anyway, assuming it wouldn't just be a forced exercise in torture. Which maybe it was, judging by Alfie's reaction to that. ]

The possibilities seem interesting. Not the torture aspects. [ Or whatever other nefarious purpose it must've served. ] Unless that's all it was. [ ...Maybe it was tactless to comment on it at all. ]

I assure you, it's less interesting when it's your life. Even now, I'm a bit mixed up over it.

[He touches the side of his head. Memories upon contradicting memories, tangled timelines... he would rather have done without all of it.]

Where did you come here from, then?

Oh. [ An awkward pause. ] Nearly all of my memories are false implants of lives I've never lived, without a clear chronology. [ So maybe little wonder why experiencing alternate lives that are actually his seems so interesting to him. Maybe he should've mentioned that first. ]

Not an intermediary world like that as far as I know. My homeworld. [ Which admittedly might as well be Norfinbury in places. Sort of. ] Another alternate Earth, in the 2040s. There were several world wars before my time... Nuclear winter, toxic rain and snow. The humans who can afford it live in off-world colonies. They suffer the effects of the ruined environment more than my kind do.

[ He tilts his head. Probably can't hurt to mention: ] Humans are solely responsible for causing it. [ Not AIs or androids. Androids were employed as slave labour to fight the off-world wars and settle space colonies in brutal conditions, though, of course. ]

[Alfie nods, not surprised; people coming straight from home might be pretty unusual here, but it's not unheard of.

How'd you end up with implanted memories? Is that commonly done with androids?

Only common for my model. It's thought to give us increased stability, mentally and emotionally. [ He raises his eyebrows. In other words: ] Easier to control. It must work, I haven't heard of other Nexus-9s killing humans except under orders. Different story with earlier models.

Mm. That's odd; it seems to me it would give you less stability, all that rattling around inside you.

I can't say I fully understand the science behind it myself. Maybe if I had access to the studies. [ Which of course no android would be given. ] I'm assuming this wasn't the case with the— artificial beings you've run into before?

Not that I know of, but I didn't know any of 'em well.

[Even the ones that had also been prisoner in Norfinbury - Luna, Jack - he'd been suspicious of, and for what he feels were good reasons.]

Were you wary because of what they are? [ Maybe he shouldn't ask that, but he wants to know. ] Or just didn't get along with them well? I mean the ones who weren't holding you captive there.

[ Being wary of the admin is obviously understandable. ]

Both.

[He says honestly. He's not one to sugarcoat unpleasant truths.]

There was one-- I got along all right with her, I suppose. But I did trust her less when I found out what she was, and I trusted her even less still when I found out some of what she'd been involved with at home.

[ Having already guessed that was the case, the only part that's surprising to K is that Alfie apparently got along with one of them. ]

What was that?

[Alfie shakes his head.]

That's not so important, now; it was a long time ago, and I only knew half of it, really. The details are fuzzy.

[ Fair enough. Might be a polite lie, might be the truth, it doesn't matter much either way. ]

You've come a long way, inviting one to have tea with you in your home. [ His tone's teasing. He's not holding the past robophobia against Alfie. ] One that, for the sake of full disclosure, is also usually armed out of habit.

[ Which doesn't mean a whole lot when he can't harm humans of his own volition anyway. It is just habit; he feels off-balance without the shoulder holster. ]

I'd expect nothing less, mate; so am I.

[Though wherever his weapon is, it's not immediately visible on him.]

We all learn and grow, don't we, when we're thrown into places like this.

[ Naturally it's immediately tempting to try and figure out how and where Alfie's armed — but K refrains, not looking up from his lap. He's also grateful, in hindsight, that his statement wasn't interpreted as some kind of threat.

A bit dryly: ] Most do, but there's a few who seem to obstinately resist changing. While we're on the subject. [ Of learning and growing. He looks up now. ] Last time I sidetracked the conversation without meaning to, when you were talking about shechita.

[ Mentioning how androids weren't permitted to practise religion had been intended as an invitation to speak more about it, in fact. ]

Yeah?

[Alfie raises a questioning eyebrow.]

Yeah, we were. I haven't got much to say about it, I'm afraid; I don't know much beyond the basics, not being involved in it myself. Did you have specific questions, mate, or just a general curiosity?

[The latter he could easily spin off onto other related topics, if allowed to.]

General curiosity. About— your religious practises, I guess. The ones you are involved in. [ And if he sounds hesitant, it's only because: ] If it isn't inappropriate to ask.

[ And if it is, hopefully his ignorance can be excused. Certainly none of the books in the library had specified that he'd be risking causing offense just by asking, but his research also hadn't been exhaustive. ]

IC contact for wethelost

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