devoutish | IC contact for wethelost

I suppose so. Like Monty and Renart, I think.

Yes, but--

[But with Monty and Renart, it seemed like it had mostly been about sex, and K doesn't seem like the type for that (can robots even have sex?). ]

Did he say that's what it was?

No, not - not exactly like it, just similar. [ Renart and Monty are the only frame of reference that he has for open relationships. ] I get the impression that it was - more romantic in nature.

Mmmm. And what did you say?

[ He shifts, and glances at Alfie. ]

That we both need to give it time before we can commit to anything, or if anything will happen. [ He looks down at Alfie's legs, picking at the fabric of his pants. ] Connor just left. I don't want to be a bandage for a problem.

But you're thinking about it.

[... Huh. That, to Alfie, is perhaps even more surprising than K's confession itself - and he immediately remembers Royce not wanting to lie next to him a few minutes ago. He'd assumed it was just general jitteriness, but, maybe, it was more than that; maybe it was not wanting to do something he wouldn't be able to do anymore, if he were dating someone else. He looks down at his legs too, wondering if he should move them - but Royce still has his hands on them, so he doesn't.]

[ No, don't move. Royce keeps his hands firmly on Alfie's legs, jaw tense. Alfie gets to feel a flash of anxiety before Royce turns off his connection abruptly. ]

I am. [ He says, not looking at Alfie. ]

[Alfie sighs, wanting to send out some wavery feelings of his own, but holding back instead.]

I'm not angry, if that's what you're worried about. Just-- taken off-guard, I suppose; this is all coming out of nowhere for me.

It came out of nowhere for me, too. [ Royce mumbles. ] I'd - I'd thought about it, before, but I shut down the idea because I thought nothing would come of it. I didn't want to be the third wheel again, and besides, I'd always gotten the impression that K and Connor were firmly only with each other. It didn't make sense to torture myself, so I just didn't.

[ He rubs at his face. He knows he's talking a lot because he's nervous, but he can't stop himself. ] He'd made that mention of being with me and Gwen and - and I don't know if this is actually romantic in nature or he's just holding onto me because relationships in general are new for him and he doesn't know the difference.

And then there's you.

[Alfie listens quietly - not interrupting, not moving his legs.]

What about me?

[And then there's you is ambiguous, he feels; it could mean a lot of things.]

[ His jaw works. ]

For as much as we don't define it, we are - something. Something together. And I care about you as much as I care for Gwen. That isn't something I want to throw away.

And you would be throwing that way, if you and K--?

I don't know. Would I? What would have to change, in order to make that work?

I don't think that's a question that I can answer for you, Royce. But--

[He cuts himself off for a moment, hesitating.]

[ Royce looks up at him, expression - sad. He doesn't want to be having this conversation, but he knows they have to. ]

But I've got no interest in being a third wheel either, Royce. And if this is what you want, if K can give you something that I can't--

[Another cut-off. He closes his eyes for a moment, shuddering a little.]

No. [ Royce says, sharply - and he doesn't even really mean to, it bursts out of him without his permission. He pushes Alfie's legs off of him just enough to move, sitting closer to Alfie so he can lean down and rest his forehead against Alfie's, framing Alfie's face with his hands. ]

No. [ He repeats, a little raggedly. ] That isn't how it is. Both of you add to my life. You are not deficient.

All right.

[He nudges his forehead into Royce's, sending off a small burst of reassurance.]

All right; I believe you. I'm just trying to understand.

Believe me, I'm trying to understand too.

[ Royce says, almost huffily. ] I don't know how I feel about any of this. I don't know what he expects. He said he doesn't expect anything, but that's not true. Everybody expects something, even if it's something small.

He is important to me, yes, but you have been with me for years. I am - I am unwilling to give up what we have. I just don't know how much I have to split my time. If I'm going to have to. I don't even know if it'll work.

That boy has got the lowest self-esteem of nearly anybody that I've ever met--

[Present company excluded. Royce's self-esteem is in the pits.]

-- and I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't have any expectations at all. I'm sure he thinks he doesn't have the right to have any. But that's not the same as having no hopes.

[And unmet hopes can make somebody every bit as unhappy as unmet expectations.]

I do have some advice for you, if you'll have it.

[ Unmet hopes. Yeah - yeah, that's exactly it. Alfie always has the words when Royce needs them. ]

I'll take anything I can get at this point. [ Royce mutters, sliding his head down to thump against Alfie's shoulder instead. ]

[Alfie rests his hand on Royce's head, curling his fingers into his hair.]

You talk about how you'll have to split your time, whether you'll have to do this or that - don't think of it like that. Think about how you want to do things, eh?

[ Royce sighs out slow. ]

Yeah. [ That'd be the proper way to do it. Softer: ] I don't want to be away from you.

[Alfie reaches for Royce's hand, lacing their fingers together.]

I don't want that, either. And even if you did date him, I don't think you'd have to be away from me.

[ Royce doesn't pull away - he stays where he is, eyes closed. ]

I think you might be right. He understands. [ A pause. ] This is so strange for me.

IC contact for wethelost

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