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[devoutish]

[CAPTCHA-avoiding continuation of this post.]

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[bywolves]

[ He's crying, he thinks - but it's not sobs, and it's almost not something he can stop. It's nothing dramatic, either. In fact, it's almost relieved. His shoulders tremble every so often, and his breath is a little shaky and wet, but... he's okay. It feels better to feel it.

To let it drain out, and not stuff it down. Quietly: ]

I'm glad you weren't there the first time. [ With the torture. ] I can't - tell you how glad. I - mar's sake, I'm scared, I -- I forgot.

[devoutish]

[He brushes a tear away with his thumb - a casual movement, not meant to be commented on and definitely not meant to make Royce feel embarrassed.]

When it was happening, the first time, I wished I was there.

[bywolves]

[ It's good. It's okay. Alfie wipes his tear away and Royce lets out a long, steadying sigh. ]

It would've made this worse. [ He says, curling his fingers into Alfie's shirt. ] Both of us would be having nightmares like this.

[devoutish]

Yeah. But now my nightmares are about being helpless and watching you get tortured, mate. Fucking tortured.

[bywolves]

You have nightmares about me being tortured? [ A beat. That... makes sense, he guesses. ] Because you watched.

[ Royce turns to press his face against Alfie's neck. ] You... [ He hesitates. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie looks down at him, beard scraping against Royce's cheek.]

Yeah?

[bywolves]

I don't know. [ A deep breath. ] I don't know how to put into words how that makes me feel.

[devoutish]

Not guilty, I hope.

[bywolves]

Not, not... really. Grateful, I think.

[devoutish]

[Awww.]

I have nightmares about you being tortured quite a lot, mate.

[bywolves]

[ That makes him wince, a little. ]

That - that's straying into guilty territory, Alfie.

[devoutish]

No, no. Means I care about you.

[bywolves]

I know it does. That doesn't mean it doesn't upset me at least a little to know I'm the source of some of your nightmares.

[devoutish]

You are not the source. You're the subject. They're the source.

[bywolves]

[ Sigh. ] Okay, okay.

I know you care about me. And I know that you know it's hard for me to... to care as deeply as I do about anything as much as I do you. [ He swallows hard. ] And how hard it is to say out loud.

[devoutish]

You just did.

[In a really sweet way, too.]

[bywolves]

Yeah. [ Clumsily, he thinks, but - he managed. ] I want you to know it.

[devoutish]

C'mere. C'mere, look at me.

[He's going to rest his forehead against Royce's, if Royce will let him.]

I always know it.

[bywolves]

[ Royce lets him. He presses their foreheads together, firm. Connected. ]

I want you to hear it, then.

[devoutish]

Thank you.

[He'll just. Stay like that for a bit.]

[bywolves]

You're welcome. [ Soft. And it's okay, Alfie, Royce is content to stay this way for a while too. Until he gets cold, anyway, shivering. ]

[devoutish]

You need those blankets back.

[He murmurs, trying to clumsily hook one with a foot so he doesn't have to move.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce gropes for a blanket as well, but he can't quite reach it. With a little sigh, he mutters: ]

Both do. We should go back to sleep.

[devoutish]

Stay lying down.

[He pulls away and sits up with a groan, pulling the blankets off the floor one by one.]

[bywolves]

[ He frowns at the groan, but he does lay down, obediently. He'll help tuck the blankets back around them, though, ignoring the ache in his joints the best he's able to. ]