devoutish | IC contact for snowblindrpg

Yep. [ He sighs. ] Apparently tough enough that I completely forgot it and most of my childhood. Didn't even know I was adopted until a couple weeks ago. But- it makes sense.

I'd like to face my dad down, make him answer for what he did, but- obviously that's not happening here.

[ He wasn't sure what to do with it, honestly. ]

Would you kill him, do you think?

Maybe.

Probably. I want to know why he did it. Why he didn't even wait till he was out of the parking lot, at least. Why he killed her like that.

But yeah. I'm trying to grow a conscience here, but him? I think I'd be okay with killing.

The parking lot?

Yeah. She was in the car, and fought with him... [ His voice gets something of a far-away quality to it, but he reins it back in. ] They were clearly yelling at each other, and he killed her with telekinesis and dumped her body out of the car. And then he drove off. I watched from the entrance to the diner.

[ It occurs to him that might not have been what Alfie was asking about. Oops. ]

Do you have parking lots back in your time period?

No, but I understand the meaning well enough. Fucking hell. What happened to you after?

I don't really remember. I assume I was taken in by the people I thought were my parents.

My dad- adopted dad- he left probably that same year. Went out for cigarettes, never came back. Mom was- [ How to put it? He goes with the harsher phrasing, because he has no idea if Alfie's heard of anxiety or panic attacks. ] -not very stable and needed a lot of help. I started working as soon as I could.

Mm. You've had a hard life, then. And yet, Norfinbury is what redeemed you. Funny how things work out, innit.

I didn't think it was a hard life when I was living it.

[ But he'd always known something was off. Monumentally off. ]

But yeah. As much as everyone hates this town- and with good reason- it has done me that favor. Took me out of my own situation long enough that I could see what was happening. I'm pretty sure I never would've known without it.

Yeah. It's a shame you'll never get to put all those revelations to use.

[Because when it comes down to it, Alfie really doesn't think they're likely to get out alive.]

[ Gabriel chuckles quietly. ]

You think so? You'd be amazed at how stubborn I am at surviving. Whenever anyone wanted to complain about me, they'd call me a cockroach.

And maybe it's a coincidence, but cockroaches can survive nuclear fallout. I'm not going to let my reputation fade now.

Mm - but would you want to survive, if you were the only one that did?

[ That catches him up short, and he's silent for a long moment. ]

The time traveler in my world once told me that I die, alone, with no one to mourn me. Don't think he had Norfinbury in mind for that, unless he comes here specifically to laugh at me.

But at least if I'm alone here, I have the option of dying. So- no, if I were the only one left? No.

And this time traveler - is he someone whose word you can trust?

[It's kind of a digression, but Alfie's curious about this now. Even if Sylar considers him trustworthy, that doesn't mean Alfie will, but it's still an interesting thing to consider.]

Because if he's telling the truth, that means either he comes here and gets out, or you get out yourself.

[ That's a good question. Does Hiro tell the truth? Gabriel thinks it over for a few seconds. ]

I think he's telling the truth as he knows it, but time travel can get pretty damn complicated. Maybe Norfinbury broke the timeline by bringing me here. It's hard to say. I'd ask Davesprite, but I'm pretty sure I'd get tons of words I've never heard of in response.

Still- it seems like the sort of thing that'd happen to me eventually.

Yeah. You've done things that are un-fucking-forgivable.

But you're just making things even worse by wallowing, aren't you.

[ He scoffs lightly, a little surprised by that response. ]

Is that what I'm doing? Wallowing? Sorry, I was trying for the opposite, here.

Well-- not as much as you could be, I suppose. You don't make a fucking art of it, like Watson and Elric do.

Hah. Okay, point. I think if I did, I wouldn't be around anymore. They'd blame themselves for the sun going down, if they could.

[ Al maybe a little less than Watson? He'd like to think so, anyway. ]

But Al does think it'd be better if I felt bad for everything I've done. I worked so hard to turn that off that it's a little creaky, trying to get it going again. Don't think the mania's helping with that, either.

Anyways, I'm working on it.

Yeah, but I wasn't telling you not to feel bad, understand. Just don't feel sorry for yourself.

Oh.

[ He honestly hadn't differentiated between the two before now. It actually makes him pause fr a moment as he thinks that through. ]

Well, I'll...try to work on that, too.

Is that what you've seen Al doing? Feeling sorry for himself?

[ He's honestly pretty lost at this point. He's really bad at this sort of emotional evaluation, and just starting to realize that. ]

No, it's a bit different with him, I think. He punishes himself. Watson does the same. But you don't, do you.

No. I did once, but- that was before I 'committed to the bit', so to speak. But I didn't know then if something was forcing my hand or if I was just evil.

I still don't understand the point of beating yourself up for something you couldn't stop. It's not like Al or Watson are the ones doing terrible things to people, unless they're actually forced.

But surely you've got some understanding of the mindset, if you used to have it yourself.

I was never as bad as they were. I felt bad, sure- terrible. But it wasn't like I failed to stop a murder, or didn't keep people from getting hurt. I killed someone without even thinking about it and realized what I'd done when the blood was on my hands.

A lot like the brainwashing here, but there wasn't anything back home but me and my ability.

So of course I get why John felt bad after that one night when people got randomly murderous, but when it's just that you didn't protect someone? No one can do everything. I guess it's just an amplified version of the same idea, though.

IC contact for snowblindrpg

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