IC contact for snowblindrpg

[devoutish]

Yeah?

[That's it, that's all you get.]

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Comments

[devoutish]

Are you planning something yourself, House?

[rubikscomplex]

well, golly
you just sound paranoid now
what would i be planning against the scary gangster?

[devoutish]

I like to know what sort of scene is going to be set out in front of me.

[This is the way they do things at home, House; gosh. And then someone (often Alfie himself) will inevitably bring a weapon or a person that wasn't pre-authorized, but at least they have pretense.]

[rubikscomplex]

lemme set the scene, then
it was a dark and blizzardy night
the winds howled, driving snow against the windowpanes
two men stood in a cold room
the wooden floors creaked underfoot
they watched each other for a time
suspicions running rampant

"so, you got it?" the first guy asks

"oh, aye, guvnor, got it roight oi 'ave," the second guy says

and then they traded

scene set
go!

[devoutish]

u dnt du me justis house

If I still had any doubts about your profession at home, this would do away with them. You clearly aren't used to this.

[rubikscomplex]

nah
i stick to petty theft and breaking and entering, personally

[devoutish]

Is that common for doctors where you're from?

[rubikscomplex]

i like to think i do what i need to to get a job done
my patients lie to me a lot
or they're just morons
and it's really inconvenient when you're trying to diagnose them

[devoutish]

You mean to say they give you a taste of your own medicine?

[rubikscomplex]

i mean to say they make may job difficult
so
a little look around their houses
they don't seem to mind when we figure out what's killing them and make them all better

[devoutish]

Why would they lie to you in the first place?

[This sounds ridiculous and also probably fake.]

[rubikscomplex]

usual reasons
they didn't think it was important
they're afraid of being judged
they don't want the person in the room with them finding out

had a patient once who was dying of african sleeping sickness
the cure for that's dangerous
potentially fatal
we didn't want to administer treatment until we were absolutely certain because you don't get do-overs on the whole death thing like you do here
we couldn't actually connect her to africa, though
she'd never been
her husband had never been
but it's sexually transmitted
worked out she was sleeping around
but she let herself go into a freaking coma before admitting it
we had to convince the husband eventually
and once she woke up
not dying anymore
we finally got the name of the other guy she was sleeping with so we could treat him, too

[devoutish]

[What the fuck.]

And stuff like that is common, or an outlier case?

[rubikscomplex]

i don't get common cases outside my clinic obligations
that's the more extreme end of the spectrum
but it happens often enough to be one of the few patterns in my caseload
you get all sorts
my buddy referred a case to me
teacher who just suddenly lost the ability to speak and started seizing
said she was his cousin to get me to take the case
he's jewish
we found out she wasn't when we went to her house and one of my team found pork in the fridge
wanna know why your ancestors decided on the pork rule?
someone figured out undercooked pork's a breeding ground for tapeworms
not usually a problem
except when they are
our little not-so-jewish princess had a tapeworm in her brain that was dying
and decided to take her with it
that was a fun case

[devoutish]

That's fucking disgusting, mate.

But your first woman perplexes me more. Once you told her the likely culprit, why didn't she find an excuse to send the husband out of the room? "Yes Doctor, I have fucked someone who's been to Africa, but you need to pretend you're treating me for something else." She could get away with it in your day and age, couldn't she?

[rubikscomplex]

yeah
except she had him in the room all those other times we explained to her about it being something that's really not indigenous to the u.s.
she was worried hubby would leave her
guess she thought dying was better than getting found out
turned out she was right
as soon as she woke up
he left
love is never unconditional

[devoutish]

Can you fucking blame him?

[rubikscomplex]

yes?
so she slept around
so what?
she was still willing to die to stop him finding out and hurting him
she would be dead if he hadn't decided to believe us about the whole cheating thing and authorized the treatment

[devoutish]

"So what"? Goodness, I pity the woman married to you.

[rubikscomplex]

you think i'm married?
you're cute, solomons
and just because i'm not going to burn her ass for cheating doesn't mean i'd do it
no attachments
no worries

[devoutish]

Hypothetical statement, but I have seen more disagreeable men than you marry.

No wonder you've got your little death wish. Your life sounds fucking horrible.

[rubikscomplex]

you think diagnosing people
solving puzzles
saving lives
being able to go out to strip joints nightly
and drink as much as i want when i want sounds horrible?

[He's leaving out a lot, but he's making a point here.]

[devoutish]

Oh, come on, House. You know what I meant.

[rubikscomplex]

nope
because i'm pretty sure you got the cosmic short end of the stick
as the 1920s jewish gangster from london

[devoutish]

You are fucking human, mate. Even the most horrible people need connection, and you are far from the most horrible person out there.