IC contact for wethelost

[devoutish]

Solomons & Melborn
1108 Sweet Cream Street

[Feel free to use this space for letter/package deliveries as well as visits/knocks on the front door!]

Comments

[bywolves]

[ Still frowning, but. ]

We can wait until after winter. [ He says, quieter. ]

[devoutish]

Would you rather wait, or rather not?

[bywolves]

It's probably a better decision to wait.

[devoutish]

Mmm.

[Something about Royce's phrasing gives him pause - "it's probably better to wait" instead of "I want to wait". But he won't press.]

I wonder if it's even possible, wishing for this.

[bywolves]

Maybe it's not. Might solve the issue. [ Royce says, glancing away. ]

[devoutish]

How important is this to you, mate?

[bywolves]

Moderately. [ A beat. ] I'm not in a rush, and I don't need you to do it with me, Alfie.

[devoutish]

[Firmly:]

If you're doing it, I'm doing it.

[bywolves]

[ His expression shifts to something a little more sour. ]

And how much am I going to hurt you if I do this? How selfish am I being, then?

[devoutish]

You're not forcing me into anything. This is my choice.

[bywolves]

But you won't do it unless I do.

[devoutish]

No, and I'm not gonna hide that the idea terrifies me. But if you need it, if it's important--

[bywolves]

[ Is it important enough to make Alfie suffer? He doesn't know. He goes silent, looking away. ]

[devoutish]

[The stew is threatening to bubble over, so Alfie reaches over again, cutting the flame under it.]

Royce.

[bywolves]

What?

[devoutish]

I want you to believe me when I tell you that this is my choice.

[bywolves]

I do believe you, Alfie. But if you will only do this if I do it, then I have to decide if it's worth it to make you suffer along with me.

[devoutish]

[He grunts, annoyed.]

If you think you're making me do anything, then no, you don't believe me.

[bywolves]

[ Huff. ]

I know I'm not making you do anything. It's cause and effect, Alfie.

[devoutish]

Yeah, and the effect is avoidable. I'm choosing not to avoid it.

Don't put this on your shoulders.

[bywolves]

[ All of the humor in him is gone. ]

What do you mean, don't put this on my shoulders? Either I choose to do this and you do as well, meaning both of us remember. Or I don't, and neither of us do.

There's no way for this to only affect me. So I am responsible for the extra trauma you'll have if I decide to do it.

[devoutish]

[Alfie pushes himself down off the counter, spinning around to face Royce.]

No, you're fucking not. For fuck's sake, Royce; you always--

[He grits his teeth, cutting himself off there.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce looks at him, resolute, sour. ]

I always do this, yes. [ His knuckles are white, gripping the counter. ] But this time it isn't because I'm being stubborn. I am explaining to you why I would feel responsible and you are not listening to me.

[devoutish]

I am listening.

I need to go for a walk.

[He turns to head out of the kitchen, boiling with the pent-up frustration of words that he can't say - because he knows, he's positive, that to Royce they'll sound too much like you wear your trauma like a badge of honor.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce opens his mouth to snap something out, but Alfie turns and leaves, and Royce's chest tightens up. He's angry. He's really fucking angry, and it surprises him. Not before he gets off the counter and sends a vase to the floor, though - he hears the shatter and it's almost cathartic.

His heart thudding in his ears, he spins and heads out of the house, out into the woods. He wants to kill something. Might as well be food. ]