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[devoutish]

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[devoutish]

[As he tumbles back, Royce's foot collides with Alfie's shoulder, which-- okay, ow. It keeps Alfie back for half a second, but then he's up and following after. He doesn't try to touch him again, but he keeps up a steady stream of talk.]

Royce, can you hear me? You're safe. You're here with me in this house, and no one's after you. I'd fight them off with my bare hands if they were, Royce; I do not fucking care.

[bywolves]

[ He's realizing where he is. His fingers are okay. He closes his eyes so he doesn't have to look at the scars, and drags in an unsteady breath, and then nods. It's weak, but it's there. He hears Alfie, he knows, he just - has to get there.

Another wheeze of a breath, and then he nods again, reaching up to run his hand through his hair and tangle it there, his free hand coming up to cover his mouth tightly. ]

[devoutish]

Tell me what you need.

[Alfie says quietly - still not touching, but holding out a hand to him.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce brings the hand from his hair down and takes Alfie's hand, trembling. He doesn't take his hand from his mouth, just shakes his head and attempts for steadying breaths. It's hard. He can't quite get it. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie tangles his own fingers in Royce's hair, squeezing Royce with his other hand.]

There you go.

[bywolves]

[ Deep breath. Finally. Finally, he manages, and when he does, his white-knuckled grip over his mouth eases up, and slides down off his face. It takes him a minute to speak, and when he does, he's hoarse, leftover scared. ]

It - it reminded me. [ He doesn't explain, but he thinks Alfie might understand. ]

[devoutish]

I'm sorry, mate.

[He tightens his grip on Royce's hand, just a little.]

[bywolves]

Don't be. [ Royce says, after another moment, reaching up to rub at his face, at his eyes. This is different, he thinks. It feels different than before, because it feels at all. He's scared and upset, but Alfie's comforting, too. It's not just desolate, hopeless, numbness. ] I didn't hurt you, did I?

[devoutish]

You've got a powerful kick.

[He says wryly. Then he pauses, adding:]

I am sorry, Royce. Let me be.

[bywolves]

Sorry. [ He mutters, massaging at the bridge of his nose. A shivery sniff, like the kind that comes with held-back tears. ]

I'm - I'm okay. I feel it. [ It's weird. ]

[devoutish]

[He mutters an under-the-breath fuck off at the apology, pulling his hand out of Royce's hair to snake his arm around his shoulders instead.]

I'm glad of it.

[bywolves]

[ Royce curls in close, resting his head against Alfie's shoulder, bringing his arm up to wrap tightly around Alfie's shoulder, his neck, just breathing. ]

Fuck. [ He says finally, voice breaking, and he almost laughs with it, a shivery, upset curse that just - gets at how he feels, he thinks. ]

[devoutish]

Mm, yeah. "Fuck" is fucking right.

[He kisses the top of Royce's head. His poor boo.]

[bywolves]

[ He's crying, he thinks - but it's not sobs, and it's almost not something he can stop. It's nothing dramatic, either. In fact, it's almost relieved. His shoulders tremble every so often, and his breath is a little shaky and wet, but... he's okay. It feels better to feel it.

To let it drain out, and not stuff it down. Quietly: ]

I'm glad you weren't there the first time. [ With the torture. ] I can't - tell you how glad. I - mar's sake, I'm scared, I -- I forgot.

[devoutish]

[He brushes a tear away with his thumb - a casual movement, not meant to be commented on and definitely not meant to make Royce feel embarrassed.]

When it was happening, the first time, I wished I was there.

[bywolves]

[ It's good. It's okay. Alfie wipes his tear away and Royce lets out a long, steadying sigh. ]

It would've made this worse. [ He says, curling his fingers into Alfie's shirt. ] Both of us would be having nightmares like this.

[devoutish]

Yeah. But now my nightmares are about being helpless and watching you get tortured, mate. Fucking tortured.

[bywolves]

You have nightmares about me being tortured? [ A beat. That... makes sense, he guesses. ] Because you watched.

[ Royce turns to press his face against Alfie's neck. ] You... [ He hesitates. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie looks down at him, beard scraping against Royce's cheek.]

Yeah?

[bywolves]

I don't know. [ A deep breath. ] I don't know how to put into words how that makes me feel.

[devoutish]

Not guilty, I hope.

[bywolves]

Not, not... really. Grateful, I think.

[devoutish]

[Awww.]

I have nightmares about you being tortured quite a lot, mate.

[bywolves]

[ That makes him wince, a little. ]

That - that's straying into guilty territory, Alfie.

[devoutish]

No, no. Means I care about you.