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[devoutish]

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[bywolves]

They were scared. [ Royce says, dead weight against Alfie's side. He sounds sort of distant. ] They were always scared of what would happen.

[devoutish]

Yes, well, the car crash thing, that wouldn't've happened if Matt had accepted Trevor's offer of a ride home.

[bywolves]

Or they would've both crashed. Maybe Trevor would have died if he'd been in the same car.

[devoutish]

Nah. The driver wouldn't've been as distracted by doubts and bad thoughts.

[bywolves]

[ Relentless optimism, here. Royce traces the same few words over and over with his fingers, falling silent. Making the pain not quite so bad, over and over. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie glances at his face, then down at his hand. He nudges his chin into Royce's cheek.]

What would do it for you?

[bywolves]

Death. [ It's mild, the way he says it. ] An end.

[devoutish]

[Alfie's fingers curl into his palm, nails biting.]

Besides death.

[bywolves]

You do it for me. You are here, and that makes it easier.

[devoutish]

Yeah. Yeah, but am I really enough, mate?

[bywolves]

Nothing is. [ He lets go of the book to take Alfie's hand. ] I told you my first answer and you didn't like it. You're my second answer. It's good enough to stop me from feeding myself to anomalies.

[devoutish]

It isn't that--

[He stops. He'd been about to say It isn't that I didn't like the first answer - but that's not true; he hadn't liked it. Just not, he thinks, in the way that Royce had meant.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce pauses. ]

What?

[devoutish]

I liked that you were honest.

[bywolves]

Oh. [ A pause. ] There really isn't any reason to lie. I don't want to upset you, but.

[devoutish]

I don't want you worrying about upsetting me.

[bywolves]

It's hard to worry about anything at all.

[devoutish]

I know.

[Alfie twirls a lock of Royce's hair around his finger.]

That transfusion, it really did fuck-all, didn't it.

[bywolves]

It helped for a while. But not very long. [ He sighs. ] I - I don't know how much of it is the poisoning anymore, though.

[devoutish]

Yeah. You were better for a bit, long after the transfusion.

[He presses their heads closer together.]

It's Karkat, isn't it.

[bywolves]

[ He shifts to settle against Alfie's side. He's so tired. Tired, and dirty, and cold. Hungry. He's miserable and he knows Alfie is too. And - scared, maybe, because -- ]

He's gone. And I'm... upset. And jealous. And upset that I'm jealous.

[devoutish]

[So is Alfie, but he's not going to show it in anything more than the barest hints of body language - an involuntary stiffening of the shoulders, those nails biting into his palm.]

Well. I'm glad you're still with me.

[bywolves]

[ Royce carefully reaches up to wrap his arms around Alfie's shoulders. ]

I'm sorry. [ He whispers. He knows this upsets Alfie. ]

[devoutish]

I don't want you to apologize for telling me the truth.

[bywolves]

I'm apologizing because the truth makes both of us upset. [ Royce says, closing his eyes. ] And there isn't anything I can do to change it.