IC contact for snowblindrpg

[devoutish]

[CAPTCHA-avoiding continuation of this post.]

Comments

[devoutish]

But I don't wanna do whatever I want, mate.

[bywolves]

I don't want anything. [ Royce says, voice finally breaking a little. ] I can't. It - it isn't like I'm not trying, it just doesn't come.

[devoutish]

Then I suppose we'll do nothing.

[bywolves]

[ There's a long pause, and then Royce just sinks down. Okay. If Alfie's paying attention, he'll be able to see the lights flick off one by one. Nothing is fine. ]

[devoutish]

Royce, I don't know what to do.

[There's a note of desperation in his voice.]

Everything I say is the wrong thing, isn't it? I try to have you do things, and you don't fucking care. I don't, and it's as if you're disappointed in me.

[bywolves]

I don't know how to explain to you any more clearly that I can't care. [ Royce says, dully. ] It's gone. I'm - empty.

[devoutish]

You're not. Not entirely. I've seen the emotion come up.

You want me to fix this for you. I don't know how.

[bywolves]

I don't want you to fix it for me. I didn't ask you to. I don't expect it.

[ A pause. ] I can't - deal with -- I can't -- with Ecks, and -- [ God, there it is. There it is, rising in his throat, like bile. He feels like he's going to throw up, and he stops, breath a little harsher. ] I can't. I am -- I am this close to - to --

[devoutish]

[He shudders.]

This is worse than not dealing with it.

[bywolves]

[ He maybe thrashes just a little to get out of the blankets, feeling like he can't breathe. Pulling himself to his feet is a near impossible task, but he does it, and he goes - somewhere, he doesn't know, a bathroom or a back room or something - to throw up the nothing that's in his stomach. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie staggers to his feet and follows at a distance of a couple of feet. He doesn't actually go into the bathroom with him, but he stays right outside, leaning heavily on the wall next to the door.]

Do you need water?

[bywolves]

[ He shivers where he's collapsed around the toilet, breathing harsh. He spits, and then, wavering: ] Please.

[devoutish]

[Alfie shuffles in with a bottle, kneeling next to him on the ground.]

Can you--

[He's not sure if Royce can hold it, so he'll keep his own hands around it, unless Royce seems steady enough to take it without dropping or spilling it.]

[bywolves]

[ The first swig of water he takes, with Alfie's careful help, he spits, washing his mouth out. And then he takes another sip, dizzily trying to sit up. He's not sure when the last time he even ate was. He stays where he is, slumped, and then, soft and not making eye contact: ]

Just leave me here.

[devoutish]

You know I won't do that.

[bywolves]

Please. [ He says, staring at the ground. ] I'm going to keep letting you down.

[devoutish]

I expect we both will.

[He says, rubbing circles on Royce's back.]

[bywolves]

[ He lets out a noise that probably should've been a laugh, but it's a little too hysterical to be one. He lifts a hand to cover his mouth instead. ]

[devoutish]

I'm so sorry.

[He murmurs, almost too quietly to hear. He leans forward, resting his forehead against the back of Royce's shoulder.]

[bywolves]

I'm sorry, too. [ Royce whispers in return, through his fingers. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to just breathe properly. It takes everything in him to do just that. ]

[devoutish]

I would make it better if I could. I'd do anything.

[bywolves]

I know. Me too. We just can't.

[devoutish]

Is having me next to you any sort of comfort at all?

[bywolves]

It is for me.

[devoutish]

[He nods against Royce's back.]

Okay.