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[devoutish]

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[devoutish]

[Alfie wraps his arms around him in as big a bear hug as he can manage, scrabbling out with his free hand to mound some pillows around them, too.]

I need you with me.

[He says when he's finished, murmuring quietly into Royce's hair. He doesn't expect a response, but part of him is still hoping for one.]

I can't do this all on my own.

[bywolves]

[ He knows. And he feels - guilt, intensely, when he can feel anything at all. He should be able to handle more than this, but he can't find it in him. He has nothing. Alfie, yes, but he's not sure he can manage to keep struggling to exist for one person. He knows he's selfish. He knows he should try harder, but he's tired, and he wants this to end.

There's no answer for a long, long time. Maybe an hour, and then, out of nowhere, Royce speaks, voice a cracked rasp. He quietly stutters out the prayer Alfie taught him a while back, the one he insisted they were going to say every day. There's no inflection or anything other than just an unsteady, monotone recitation, but. He tries, as difficult as speaking is right now. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie had started to drift in the silence, not particularly liking the idea of going numb but not sure what else he could do. Royce isn't going to be able to be there for him, and nothing he says or does is going to be able to help Royce - it's probably best to rest as much as he can, and then force himself to just get on with it tomorrow.

Royce saying that prayer, though. The tears come before he even realizes what's happening, and though he's not actively sobbing, he can't seem to hold them back. At least they're falling onto Royce's hair and not his face, where they'd freeze.]

[bywolves]

[ He hears it, and as a response, he holds shakily at the front of Alfie's shirt. This is all he can do, right now. He keeps going, until the end. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie opens his mouth, but no words come out, so he just pats Royce's hand. Thank you.]

[bywolves]

[ He goes silent. He doesn't sleep, can't. He just lays here and drifts, mind far away. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie gives up for the rest of the night, and eventually sleeps. As usual, if he isn't woken, he'll sleep late into the morning of the next day.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce sleeps too, eventually. He stays up all night, until lockdown is up, and then he can't keep his eyes open. He practically passes out, and sleeps dreamlessly, amazingly enough. He'll sleep for hours past morning, completely still. ]

[devoutish]

[At around two in the afternoon, Alfie blinks awake, and blearily pokes him.]

Mm?

[bywolves]

[ He sighs out slow, blearily opening his eyes and staring up at Alfie. He looks exhausted. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie's eyes slide shut again. He lies there for another ten minutes or so, then stirs - for real, this time. He starts pulling away, disentangling from the blankets and from Royce.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce shudders, and reaches to grab for Alfie, not fully awake. He holds at Alfie's shirt, eyes closed. ]

[devoutish]

[He covers Royce's hand with his own, giving it a squeeze.]

Hold on a moment. I need to do something.

[bywolves]

[ Still mostly asleep, Royce sinks back down into the covers, curling up into a ball, and doesn't answer. He'll be okay. ]

[devoutish]

[After a minute or two, Alfie returns to him, scooping him and half the blankets into his arms.]

[bywolves]

[ That wakes Royce up. He startles at the movement, protesting mumbled and incomprehensible. What? What's going on - he paws at Alfie's arms, struggling a little, not sure what's happening. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie hesitates, leaning his shoulder heavily against the wall.]

We should go, Royce. Just for a bit.

[bywolves]

No. [ Royce mumbles. He shivers visibly from head to toe, curling into Alfie. ] Cold. I can't.

[devoutish]

I'll carry you.

[bywolves]

No. [ Royce says, sharper. It's probably the clearest thing he's said since House. ] Too cold. You can't.

[devoutish]

I want to get you better food.

[But he's already starting to set Royce down. He's not going to force him.]

[bywolves]

Not hungry. [ Royce mutters. He doesn't know where they are, or what day it is, or anything other than he wants to sleep forever. Maybe he'll die in his sleep. That'd be easy. He just wants easy.

He shivers and grabs for the blankets, trying to put them over Alfie, too. The sun is gone. The temperature is far, far into the negatives. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie gives up, again, and slides back down onto the mattress next to him.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce covers him in blankets, half-assed, and then sinks back down to pass out again. And this time, he dreams.

This time, he dreams of the sun, dreams of riding Mouse out in tall fields of grass, Hadrian whistling behind him. It's bright and it almost hurts his eyes and he welcomes it. He dreams of reaching for the sun, tilting his head back to feel it, and not being able to. It's cold. The sun is there but there's no warmth, and in his sleep he cries, tears dripping down his cheeks. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie doesn't try to wake him, but when he notices the tears, he wipes them away with his sleeve.

He's too tired to cry himself.]