IC contact for wethelost

[devoutish]

Solomons & Melborn
1108 Sweet Cream Street

[Feel free to use this space for letter/package deliveries as well as visits/knocks on the front door!]

Comments

[devoutish]

[Alfie, in true Alfie fashion, doesn't flinch or shrink away when Royce yells - but he doesn't go on the offensive either, which is unusual for him. He listens, shoulders tense, but he doesn't fire back.]

You've got it wrong.

[He says, finally.]

My motivations - you've got them wrong.

[bywolves]

[ Royce is expecting a full on shouting match, which is why he falters when Alfie doesn't bite back. He hesitates, staring down at Alfie. ]

What? [ He asks, voice cracking slightly. ]

[devoutish]

I have never once thought of you as the bad guy; the villain. I was never angry when you showed concern - nor irritated, nor unaware, nor ungrateful.

[bywolves]

Yeah, well, when you talk to me the way you did it feels that way, and don't - say a gods-damned word about it, because you gave me that excuse earlier and I don't want to hear it about how it isn't okay when I say it but it is when you do.

[devoutish]

It's also not true that I don't care that it upsets you.

[bywolves]

Then why do you act like it doesn't?

[devoutish]

It seems to me I've done the opposite. The reason why I didn't want to say anything about it in the first place, Royce, was because I knew it would upset you.

[bywolves]

[ He could hit something. He feels like it, a burst of the urge to do violence to something. ]

It upsets me more that you're trying to keep it away from me! I am not upset about the fact that you think things are going to change, I'm not upset that you're scared, I'm upset because the way you're presenting this is stupid. I am angry at you because you're being an asshole about talking about this.

[devoutish]

How? How am I being an asshole, Royce?

[Now there's a little frustration bleeding in.]

I'm standing here as you rail at me, trying to share my feelings and make my point of view understood-- what would be preferable to you?

[bywolves]

Not right now. Before. In the treehouse. I asked you what was wrong, and you shut me down. You talk to me like this is a deal, like we're negotiating business.

[ In Alfie's accent: ] You felt me get upset, but you're not going to do anything about it, okay? End of story, don't ask. I don't want you getting overly concerned about my feelings, despite the fact that we're friends.

[ And then, normal again: ] You don't want me to worry about it, but I already am worried about it, and I'd hoped we could figure it out together instead of you shutting me out. Isn't that what you're always getting on me about?

[devoutish]

It feels, to me, like a different sort of situation.

[Because Royce is married, because it's related to Gwen, because it seems brutally selfish, unfair, and - yes - pathetic to ask Royce to help him figure out where he stands in his relationship with him and his wife.]

[bywolves]

It isn't. [ Royce says, voice breaking again. ] I worry about it too. About what will change.

[devoutish]

You worry that she won't understand.

[He repeats.]

Yeah.

[bywolves]

I don't think you understand how important you are to me.

[devoutish]

[Alfie raises an eyebrow.]

I've felt it, remember? You showed me.

[bywolves]

Then I don't understand why you'd think this was just a problem for you and only you to deal with. It's not a matter of figuring out how you fit, it's a matter of figuring out how to reincorporate her into my life.

[devoutish]

[That assessment of the situation has Alfie gobsmacked - stunned into silence, even, as he looks back at Royce.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce sinks back down to sit, heavily. ]

So much has changed since I saw her last. I'm a different person. It can't be the same because I am not who I was when she died. But you've been with me since I changed - you've been a big part of why I have. I know I have you. I don't know that I have her.

[devoutish]

[That has Alfie reaching for his hand again, if he'll take it.]

I've seen how she talks about you - how you talk about each other. You might have doubts, mate, but I don't. You'll have her for life.

[bywolves]

[ He does take it. He holds it tightly. ]

That doesn't change the fact that I will have a hard time bringing her into my life here.

[devoutish]

I didn't know you felt that way.

[Alfie squeezes his hand.]

I had no idea.

[bywolves]

I don't talk about it. It isn't how I'm supposed to feel.

[devoutish]

[Alfie chuckles humorlessly.]

Yes. Yes, I know how that feels.

[bywolves]

I don't know how she's going to fit. [ Royce says, quietly. ] I love her. But thinking of the change that'll have to happen, that I'm expected to have happen - I don't want to.

[devoutish]

Are any of them changes that she might consent not to make?