IC contact for wethelost

[devoutish]

Solomons & Melborn
1108 Sweet Cream Street

[Feel free to use this space for letter/package deliveries as well as visits/knocks on the front door!]

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[bywolves]

I'm not stupid.

[ He says, finally, voice flat and steady. ]

I know things are going to change when she gets here. But I'm done talking about this if you're going to continue to talk to me like I'm not aware that life will be different and then shut me out and down completely when I try to talk to you about it.

[devoutish]

It's difficult to talk about. Even with you. Because I've told myself, right - "Alfie, you are not gonna be the sort of man who swans about sighing over things that can't be helped; shouldn't be helped". I've told myself that this--

[He makes a back-and-forth gesture between the two of them.]

-- wasn't gonna happen at all.

[bywolves]

I don't know what to say to you that isn't going to get me yelled at. [ Royce says pissily. He's not being as mature about this as he could be, but his feelings are still hurt. ]

[devoutish]

I haven't raised my voice once, thank you.

[bywolves]

Alfie. [ Royce snaps nastily. You know what he means. He's not having it today. ]

[devoutish]

[It matters, Royce.]

Don't accuse me of things I haven't done. I've been civil; I haven't told you to shut it.

[bywolves]

Why do you always do this? [ Royce asks, frustrated. ] You always do this. You always pick at my word choice rather than actually talk about the issue at hand.

Fine. Live somewhere else. Is that what you want? Do you want to just give it up as a lost cause? It'll be different so we shouldn't even try, clearly. We'll plan on getting you another house once she gets here.

[devoutish]

Do you not worry about awkwardness and such? Truly?

[He means this as a genuine question - tries to level his voice out, so Royce won't take it as instigating.]

[bywolves]

I do worry. [ The deliberate tone helps. ]

[devoutish]

Yeah?

[He raises an eyebrow. He's surprised, but not skeptical; he believes Royce.]

[bywolves]

Yeah. Of course I do. But I don't think it's going to be as much of a big deal as you're thinking. And I'm going to try to make it easy.

[devoutish]

And perhaps I don't think it's gonna be as big of a deal as you worry I do. Eh? It wasn't something I was ever planning on bringing up.

[bywolves]

[ He frowns, pulling his knees in. ] That is a big thing to worry about and a big thing to hide from me.

[devoutish]

And if it's small worries only? Does your position there still stand?

[bywolves]

[ Royce sighs, and turns his head to look back out at the ocean. ]

I'm not going to fight and argue in circles with you. I don't have the energy.

[devoutish]

This is one reason why I wasn't going to tell you, Royce. We always fret about each other more than we fret about ourselves.

Will you tell me what your worries are? Specifically. It would do me good to hear them.

[bywolves]

[ He's quiet for a long moment, resting his chin on top of his knees, staring out into the distance. ]

I worry that Gwen might not understand the extent of what you mean to me. I worry she may be jealous. I worry Mercy will hate it here. I worry that things will change for the worse.

And then -- I also worry that none of that will be the case, but you'll convince yourself that you need to distance yourself because you have a very different idea of what you think my family life should look like than I do. That only your way is the correct way.

[devoutish]

I don't want to impose my views on you - to try to force you to live how I think is best.

[He says quietly.]

But I don't think I much understand what you say you want.

[bywolves]

I don't - I don't either. [ He admits finally, and he hates how vulnerable this is making him feel. ] I don't know what I want, but I know that I did not fucking mean that I was going to be your keeper, like you're some sort of invalid that I have to watch over until your family gets here, and I'm angry that you'd think that.

[devoutish]

But that's how it felt, all the same.

[bywolves]

[ That hurts, and Royce lets him feel how much that hurts. It fucking stings, wanting someone to stay with you because you love them, because you'd be lonely if they left, only to find out they only think you're treating them as a charity case. It's a sour, sad feeling. ]

[devoutish]

[And so Alfie shares, too: shares how, despite knowing how much Royce loves him, this is an area where he fears vulnerability; fears being foolish; even sort of fears his feelings that he doesn't have much of a frame of reference for. Hates how he, who prides himself on knowing himself and his world well, finds himself in unfamiliar territory here, and it's scary in a way that he isn't really used to dealing with.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce echoes the feeling of being scared of being in unfamiliar territory. It's there, but he's... used to being thrown into it without warning. He's used to his life changing immediately. There's a long pause. ]

I'm sorry you're scared. [ Royce says very quietly, only just barely audible over the waves. He still hurts, though - it's still there, under everything, because he knows his own feelings on this are going to be brushed off. Maybe it isn't fair to assume, but it's how he feels. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie steps closer - close enough to hold out a hand to him.]

[bywolves]

[ He doesn't look down, but he reaches out to take the hand offered to him. ]