IC contact for snowblindrpg

[devoutish]

Yeah?

[That's it, that's all you get.]

OOC: CAPTCHA has been hit, so please go here for all your IC inbox needs!

Comments

cw: suicide mention

[bywolves]

Hadrian does it, sometimes. [ Royce glances at Alfie. ] He pushed it harder after Gwen.

[ Because Hadrian knew him well enough to predict when and how Royce was going to try and kill himself, in that tower after Gwen died. Alfie's starting to pick up on stuff like that too. ]

[devoutish]

Good.

[Alfie nudges him with a knee -and then hurriedly remembers the recording tablet, and turns it off. He'll do more video memory shit when Royce isn't being sad about his dead wife.]

Good.

[bywolves]

Too depressing? [ Royce asks wryly, after Alfie's turned the video off. He's in a weird mood. Too apathetic to feel sad. ]

[devoutish]

I didn't think you'd want to...

[He gestures to tablet.]

Not while you were talking about her.

[bywolves]

I don't want to talk about her. [ Royce sighs. ] I don't want to talk about home. Especially not after the chat we had with Gabriel.

[devoutish]

You couldn't pass cancer on to Mercy and Hadrian.

[That, at least, bears repeating.]

[bywolves]

Even if that's true, Mercy doesn't need to see the parent she has left die slowly.

[devoutish]

It's better than--

[He cuts himself off.]

[bywolves]

Better than what?

[devoutish]

Than never seeing you again.

[Not when she's only just found him.]

[bywolves]

[ His jaw tenses. ]

She barely knows me. Might be better if she grows up without me.

[devoutish]

[Alfie doesn't have an argument against that beyond his gut reaction of no it wouldn't, and so he goes quiet. He doesn't want to talk about this either, but they always end up circling back to something depressing eventually. It's hard not to. Every conversation topic seems to inevitably lead to it.]

I wish I could make you feel things.

[bywolves]

[ Royce closes his eyes. ]

I know. [ He takes a deep breath, breathing it out slow, because even if he can't feel, he still knows how rough the constant circle of hurt after pain after hurt is for both of them. He doesn't know how to make it better. ] So much has happened. I think --

I think it's better that I don't, right now. That much all at once...

[ He trails off. ]

[devoutish]

Yeah.

[And he sees that angle of it. God knows he has plenty of times when he wishes he could turn of his feelings.]

But you've got flashes of it sometimes, don't you; sometimes you can relax a bit. I've seen you smile, laugh.

[He's seen him hold Gwen's scarf to his cheek and cry.]

[bywolves]

Mm. It comes back, sometimes. Fades in and out. [ Royce reaches to rub at his chest absently, massaging his sternum. ] Talking helps, strangely enough. Get stuck in my own head too often.

[devoutish]

That's not strange, mate. That's normal.

[His gaze follows Royce's hand, looking at the outline of the twine under his shirt.]

[bywolves]

I don't normally like talking. [ Might as well be honest. His fingers run over the outline of twine a bit. ]

[devoutish]

Really? You don't?

[Alfie widens his eyes, faking surprise.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce glances over at Alfie. His lips twitch at the corners. ]

Four months and you're just now figuring that out? [ He's teasing, and it's clear. ]

[devoutish]

I thought you were just being polite, by not talking my ear off.

[bywolves]

I was making up for all the times the mania had me speaking in paragraphs.

[devoutish]

[Alfie puts on his best Royce accent.]

Solomons. Solomons, get up. You've been sleeping for four hours, wake up, it's morning. Solomons.

[bywolves]

[ rUDE, ALFIE ]

You sleep past the doors unlocking constantly, Solomons, someone has to get you out of bed.

[devoutish]

Solomons, it's three hours until lockdown ends; why aren't you up yet?

[bywolves]

[ In his best Alfie impression - which is hard to do because he's trying not to smile- Royce parrots back: ] Fuck off Royce. I'm sleeping, yeah. Shame you're not still in bed so I can drool on you.