IC contact for wethelost

[devoutish]

Solomons & Melborn
1108 Sweet Cream Street

[Feel free to use this space for letter/package deliveries as well as visits/knocks on the front door!]

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[devoutish]

Then perhaps you shouldn't think of it as a problem to be solved, but rather just another part of life. Eh?

[bywolves]

[ But that isn't how Royce exists. There are problems, and he fixes them. But not this time. ]

I don't know how to do that. [ Royce says hoarsely, sliding away from Alfie so he can sit on the edge of the bed, feet touching the floor. He doesn't get up, but he stays there, staring at the ground. ]

And even if I could think of it that way, it would not stop the - the hole, the empty, burning feeling in my chest when I think about it. I can't - I can't shake it. It's stuck and I'm so tired [ his voice breaks a bit ] -- of feeling it.

[devoutish]

[Oh, Royce, Royce, Royce. The sound of his voice makes Alfie's heart ache.]

I won't love you less, if I go blind.

[He trails a hand down Royce's back.]

I know you won't love me less, either.

[bywolves]

No. I won't. I won't love you less.

[ He sounds so tired, rubbing at his chest. It almost physically hurts. ]

This has never been about loving you less, it's about how much loving you is going to hurt.

[devoutish]

I know.

[His hand stills, but he keeps it where it is.]

Love always hurts.

[bywolves]

It shouldn't.

[ He says, dragging in a shaky breath. He can't breathe right. ]

[devoutish]

Come back?

[His fingers curl into Royce's shirt and tug, just a little.]

[bywolves]

[ He goes back, slowly, letting Alfie tug him wherever he wants Royce. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie tucks him in close, curling around him as well as he can.]

If it never, hurts, mate, it's not love.

[bywolves]

[ Royce rests his head against Alfie's shoulder and stares at the wall. Dully: ]

That doesn't close the hole.

[devoutish]

I know it doesn't.

[But he doesn't know how to.]

[bywolves]

I don't know how to fix it.

[ Royce says, in that same quiet, flat tone. ] I don't know what to do anymore. Drinking didn't help.

[devoutish]

Drinking never makes sadness go away. It makes whatever you're already feeling all the more strong.

[The flatness in his voice scares him - it's too much like that eternal emotionlessness from Norfinbury. He pulls Royce closer with a shiver.]

[bywolves]

[ He doesn't know what else to do but just try to shut it out. He lets out a shivery breath, and pulls his legs in close, curled up against Alfie. He doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't. ]

[devoutish]

All the words I have for you are things that won't help.

[Alfie whispers into his hair.]

Platitudes.

[bywolves]

I know. [ Royce murmurs. ] It's alright.

I'll just have to figure it out. [ Somehow. ]

[devoutish]

But Royce--

[He sighs.]

That's my point, yeah? It's got no solution.

[bywolves]

I know. I know it has no solution. [ He snaps, without really meaning to. He grips at Alfie's shirt and kneads a bit at the fabric. ] So I have to figure out how to be okay with it and I don't know if I ever will.

[devoutish]

Keep talking to me about it. Don't decide that having to be okay with it means you've got to be quiet about it as well.

[bywolves]

I can't keep bringing it up.

[devoutish]

When it's on your mind, yes, you can.

[bywolves]

[ Royce doesn't answer that part. ]

I never used to feel like this. [ He murmurs. ] Norfinbury changed me so much.

[devoutish]

Did you not think about it at home, with Gwen and Hadrian?

[bywolves]

No. I assumed they'd die after me.

[devoutish]

Because you assumed you'd never live to your natural lifespan.

[That's a sad thought in and of itself.]