IC contact for wethelost

[devoutish]

Solomons & Melborn
1108 Sweet Cream Street

[Feel free to use this space for letter/package deliveries as well as visits/knocks on the front door!]

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[devoutish]

I nearly ran.

[He reaches up to brush his fingers through Royce's wet hair.]

You're feeling better?

[bywolves]

Yeah. [ He tilts his head a bit into the touch. ] Sleep and getting it out of my system helped. Could probably stand to drink another few gallons of water, though.

[devoutish]

[Alfie picks up the bread basket and hands it to him. Have this, too.]

[bywolves]

[ He settles on the bed, and quietly munches on bread and drinks water for a while, soaking in Alfie's presence. He's gearing up for a Talk, because he knows he needs to get this out to someone or he's going to keep rotting on the inside. And as much as he loves and relies on Gwen - she can't help with this, so much. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie sets his book aside, but is content to be quiet for now. He stays awake, but his eyes fall shut, and he slumps against Royce - just leaning, just relaxing.]

[bywolves]

[ Eventually Royce rests his head against Alfie's, done eating for now. Quietly: ]

How are you doing?

[devoutish]

I'm fine.

[He leans a little harder.]

Yeah, I'm all right.

[bywolves]

[ He turns his head a bit to press his face into Alfie's hair. ]

Good. [ Sigh. ] I'm glad.

[devoutish]

I'm at peace when I'm with you.

[He says it to make Royce feel better, but also because it's completely, undeniably true.]

[bywolves]

[ Always with the sweet things. Royce takes a deep breath. ]

It's the same for me. [ Royce mutters. ] Your presence is a comfort to me, always. I'm trying to hold onto that for as long as I can.

[devoutish]

You will have me, Royce, for years and years and years. At least.

[bywolves]

I know, but years go by so fast. And you'll grow frail and old and I --

This is why I'm selfish. Because I will still be the same and you won't be capable of much. And I can't bring myself to watch you lose your strength.

You already walk with a cane. That'll get worse. Your hands will shake, you'll lose your hearing, your sight. And I will be the same as I am now.

[devoutish]

What will you do, when that time comes?

[bywolves]

I don't know. I worry about it because I don't have a solution.

[devoutish]

You've worried in the past about being dead weight to me.

[He figures he doesn't need to finish the rest of that thought: what if he's the one who ends up dead weight to Royce?]

[bywolves]

That was different. [ He says, sharply. ] We had a goal. It was survival.

It isn't survival, here.

[devoutish]

Then perhaps you shouldn't think of it as a problem to be solved, but rather just another part of life. Eh?

[bywolves]

[ But that isn't how Royce exists. There are problems, and he fixes them. But not this time. ]

I don't know how to do that. [ Royce says hoarsely, sliding away from Alfie so he can sit on the edge of the bed, feet touching the floor. He doesn't get up, but he stays there, staring at the ground. ]

And even if I could think of it that way, it would not stop the - the hole, the empty, burning feeling in my chest when I think about it. I can't - I can't shake it. It's stuck and I'm so tired [ his voice breaks a bit ] -- of feeling it.

[devoutish]

[Oh, Royce, Royce, Royce. The sound of his voice makes Alfie's heart ache.]

I won't love you less, if I go blind.

[He trails a hand down Royce's back.]

I know you won't love me less, either.

[bywolves]

No. I won't. I won't love you less.

[ He sounds so tired, rubbing at his chest. It almost physically hurts. ]

This has never been about loving you less, it's about how much loving you is going to hurt.

[devoutish]

I know.

[His hand stills, but he keeps it where it is.]

Love always hurts.

[bywolves]

It shouldn't.

[ He says, dragging in a shaky breath. He can't breathe right. ]

[devoutish]

Come back?

[His fingers curl into Royce's shirt and tug, just a little.]

[bywolves]

[ He goes back, slowly, letting Alfie tug him wherever he wants Royce. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie tucks him in close, curling around him as well as he can.]

If it never, hurts, mate, it's not love.