IC contact for wethelost

[devoutish]

Solomons & Melborn
1108 Sweet Cream Street

[Feel free to use this space for letter/package deliveries as well as visits/knocks on the front door!]

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[devoutish]

[Privately, he does want to see how things go when Gwen gets here - but he can't tell Royce that, he thinks. He doesn't want to be an eternal third wheel, but he doesn't want to make Royce feel like he has to change how he lives with his wife, either. Quietly, he clears his throat, gently tugging Royce back against him a little more.]

Can't think of anyone better to do it with.

[bywolves]

[ It's so weird to think of Alfie ever being an eternal third wheel, because in Royce's mind, he never would be. In Royce's mind, he'd spend his time equally with them. And in his mind, someday, Gwen would spend time alone with Alfie, and she would steal him away. That she'd be fine to leave him and Alfie alone, too. In his mind, none of this is a problem. He just doesn't want to be alone again. Alone here.

The ball of negative feelings chokes him a bit, and he lets Alfie feel a little of it, resting his face against the crook of Alfie's neck. He swallows hard. ]

I think it'd be easier to just live a shorter life. I just don't -- I'm trying. I'm trying not to be selfish.

[devoutish]

[Alfie rests a hand on his head, fingers curling into his hair.]

Where did you get this idea that it would be selfish, mate?

[bywolves]

[ He hesitates. ] I've had a few conversations with people. It's supposed to be better to take on suffering so the people you love don't have to.

[devoutish]

[Alfie's face darkens.]

This was a conversation with John, I suppose.

[bywolves]

I - no. [ Well. Probably at some point, but. ] Monty.

[devoutish]

[... Oh. Huh. And he'd been so sure it was Watson.]

Yeah, all right. But what have we learned from Watson? You can't do that all the time.

[bywolves]

[ He rubs at his face. ]

I know. [ And he sinks further down into Alfie's side. ] I don't know what to do. I need - something. I need to do something about this because this -- [ He rubs at his chest. ] -- just keeps getting worse.

[devoutish]

And did deciding that you were gonna be entirely unselfish help at all?

[bywolves]

... No. [ :c ]

[devoutish]

Yeah. Thought not.

[bywolves]

I don't know what to do. There isn't a good answer.

[devoutish]

There often isn't.

[He sends forward another little sliver of love-feeling.]

[bywolves]

[ He meets it with a love-feeling of his own. Gratitude, mostly. He's quiet, though, not having much else to say. ]

[devoutish]

[After a moment, Alfie says quietly:]

Is it gonna bother Gwen that we did this?

[bywolves]

I don't know. [ He pauses. ] I'll tell her. Ask her if she'd like to do the same.

[devoutish]

What will we do if it does bother her?

[bywolves]

I guess wish it away. [ He says, hesitantly. ] I wouldn't know how else to handle it.

[devoutish]

{Alfie nods. He might not like the answer, but it's an understandable one - probably the right one. Gwen's wants need to come first for Royce, he reminds himself.]

Yeah. All right.

[bywolves]

[ Thing is, Royce doesn't like the answer either, but. He frowns. ]

I don't want to. [ He says, quietly. ]

[devoutish]

Well. See what she says first, eh? Have you told her that you'd thought up the idea?

[bywolves]

No. I'll tell her in my next letter to her.

Are the two of you still talking?

[devoutish]

Yeah, we write back and forth often enough.

[bywolves]

What about? [ He really is just curious. ]

[devoutish]

Here. Home. The place she's in and her home.

[He pauses.]

You. We talk about you a lot. Good things.