IC contact for wethelost

[devoutish]

Solomons & Melborn
1108 Sweet Cream Street

[Feel free to use this space for letter/package deliveries as well as visits/knocks on the front door!]

Comments

[bywolves]

No, I haven't asked them. [ Shift, shift. ] I have told you I'm trying to be less selfish.

[devoutish]

Yeah. But why is shortening your lifespan selfish?

[bywolves]

The idea upsets both you and Gwen. I've talked to both of you about it and you don't want me to, so I can't.

[devoutish]

No-- no, that's not true. It's your life, Royce.

[bywolves]

[ He frowns and doesn't say anything. ]

[devoutish]

Yeah. And I'm not gonna say what you do with your life is nobody else's business, because it does affect us, but--

[But in theory, they'd be dead for it, wouldn't they?]

[bywolves]

[ He frowns even more deeply. ]

It affects you, and that's why I'm saying I can't. I'd rather bear the burden of it if it means it gives you and Gwen peace of mind.

[devoutish]

It doesn't give me peace of mind to think of you being unhappy.

If Gwen wants to do it, wants to lengthen her life - well, then, that's sorted, isn't it.

[bywolves]

Yes, but...

[ He hesitates. ] You're as important as she is.

[devoutish]

[... Oh. Alfie goes quiet for a moment.]

You really don't want me saying I've been thinking about it?

[bywolves]

I don't want you to give me false hope, Alfie. [ That's all. ]

[devoutish]

And what if it's impossible to decide anytime soon? Eh? It's the sort of decision that takes years and years to make.

[bywolves]

[ Royce is silent for a long moment. ]

You can say whatever you want to say to me, whenever you want to say it. If that includes the fact that you're thinking about it, then fine. Say it. But understand that it feels like stringing me along.

[devoutish]

[Alfie's chest tightens.]

You assume I'm gonna decide against it.

[bywolves]

I don't see why you'd want to live for another five hundred years. I don't.

[devoutish]

Well, maybe it wouldn't be five hundred, then; I dunno.

[Surely they could find a middle ground, right?]

But if I were with you, mate-- if I were with you, it's easier to imagine.

[bywolves]

[ There's a pause, and then a long, slow exhale. ]

I would live as long as anybody would let me if it meant I could spend the rest of it with the people I love. With you. With Gwen. Mercy. [ His voice is steady, genuine. A little raw. ] It's easier to imagine if I'm not alone.

[devoutish]

I hope you know that I'm honored to be included on that list, mate.

[bywolves]

I feel the same way when you say you'd consider living for a long time just to spend your days with me.

[devoutish]

[Privately, he does want to see how things go when Gwen gets here - but he can't tell Royce that, he thinks. He doesn't want to be an eternal third wheel, but he doesn't want to make Royce feel like he has to change how he lives with his wife, either. Quietly, he clears his throat, gently tugging Royce back against him a little more.]

Can't think of anyone better to do it with.

[bywolves]

[ It's so weird to think of Alfie ever being an eternal third wheel, because in Royce's mind, he never would be. In Royce's mind, he'd spend his time equally with them. And in his mind, someday, Gwen would spend time alone with Alfie, and she would steal him away. That she'd be fine to leave him and Alfie alone, too. In his mind, none of this is a problem. He just doesn't want to be alone again. Alone here.

The ball of negative feelings chokes him a bit, and he lets Alfie feel a little of it, resting his face against the crook of Alfie's neck. He swallows hard. ]

I think it'd be easier to just live a shorter life. I just don't -- I'm trying. I'm trying not to be selfish.

[devoutish]

[Alfie rests a hand on his head, fingers curling into his hair.]

Where did you get this idea that it would be selfish, mate?

[bywolves]

[ He hesitates. ] I've had a few conversations with people. It's supposed to be better to take on suffering so the people you love don't have to.

[devoutish]

[Alfie's face darkens.]

This was a conversation with John, I suppose.

[bywolves]

I - no. [ Well. Probably at some point, but. ] Monty.