IC contact for wethelost

[devoutish]

Solomons & Melborn
1108 Sweet Cream Street

[Feel free to use this space for letter/package deliveries as well as visits/knocks on the front door!]

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[devoutish]

[There's a little something else sneaking in there too, lurking in the background. It's to do with Royce's idea of extending Alfie's life - and rather than the steadfast negative feelings he might have expected, there are actually feelings of ambivalence. Curiosity. Wondering what it would be like.

Alfie doesn't mention any of that, though; he might not even know that it's leaking through. He just pulls Royce closer to him, curling a little onto his side.]

[bywolves]

[ Oh, Alfie. Royce's emotions recoil back just a little at finding that. He doesn't want that hope. He just wants to get used to the idea that Alfie's going to die, and get to a point where he can be okay with it. Alfie might feel Royce shrinking back emotionally, dimming down a bit instinctively. ]

[devoutish]

What?

[He murmurs, pulling back to look at his face.]

What is it?

[bywolves]

[ He looks away, guilt churning up into the middle of the dread and sadness. ]

You don't hate the idea of extending your life.

[devoutish]

[Alfie exhales, surprised.]

-- You felt that?

[bywolves]

Just a hint of it. [ Voice cracking, guilt intensifying: ] I can't, Alfie. You can't let me hope.

[devoutish]

[Alfie opens his mouth to speak, but doesn't say anything. Confusion, worry, frustration, more ambivalence - it all courses through him.]

[bywolves]

[ It reminds him of when his poisoning was wearing off. When he felt everything like it was brand new, feeling it for the first time. It's a bit much. ]

Please talk. I don't know how to sort through - through all of that. [ A bit of panic, now, just a tinge of an undertone. ]

[devoutish]

I'm sorry.

[He says, voice a little strained.]

I haven't got words for all of it. I'm trying to--

[The feelings from Alfie stop abruptly.]

[bywolves]

[ And just as suddenly, Royce shuts his own off, taking a deep breath. He feels cold, and he actually shivers, biting his bottom lip. It hadn't necessarily been bad, the exchange, it was just a lot. ]

[devoutish]

All right?

[Alfie rests his forehead against Royce's cheek, closing his eyes.]

[bywolves]

Yeah. [ He squeezes Alfie's hand. ] Are you?

[ He'd felt that frustration, and it worries him. ]

[devoutish]

Mm. Can I show you something else?

[bywolves]

[ A pause, and then he nods a bit. Show him. ]

[devoutish]

[He opens up his mind again, and this time, the feelings are more concentrated - and they're all about Royce. Royce, and how spectacular he is; how intelligent, perceptive, and witty. How he can be hard in the times when he needs to be, and how he doesn't shrink away from those times, but how he can be so tender and caring, too. How he knows Alfie better than anyone, and how Alfie trusts him implicitly. How deserving he is of that trust. How strong he is, in all the ways that matter - mentally, physically, and emotionally, as good at toughing out difficult situations as he is at effortlessly climbing trees. How the best part of every day is lying down and resting with him. Royce, Royce, Royce. Love, love, love.]

[bywolves]

[ Oh.

It hits him like a semi-truck. He gasps a bit with it, expression shocked and a little overwhelmed. There's so much of it, so much that he feels like he's drowning. He's known that Gwen loves him, that Hadrian loves him, that Alfie loves him, but he's never experienced it like this before and he honestly has no idea how to react. His hand finds his chest, holding at the fabric of his shirt over his heart. He just stares at Alfie, utterly speechless. Love, love, love.

The ball of dread dissolves, just a little, making it easier to breathe. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie's eyes are still closed, face still resting against Royce's head. He's concentrating hard, wanting to make sure the right things come out and the wrong things stay in. Wanting to make sure that, despite all the complications and frustrations and uncertainties, at least this is clear and obvious.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce very cautiously lets Alfie feel a sense of - relief. Acceptance. He knows, and thank you. His grip on Alfie's hand is maybe tight enough to cut off circulation, and the breath he drags in is shivering and unsteady, completely off balance. ]

[devoutish]

Yeah?

[He says, almost inaudibly. It worked? It helped?]

[bywolves]

Yeah. [ It - helped. It doesn't completely make everything go away, but god, he feels it. ] I - I understand.

[ He's trying to hold back on overwhelming Alfie with everything at once, but a current of his own soft, fond and affectionate love slips through. ]

[devoutish]

[That makes Alfie smile, mouth quirking against Royce's shoulder.]

I understand, too.

[bywolves]

[ For a moment, he just stays quiet, trying to sort through his emotions. Bit by bit, Royce gives Alfie his good feelings. His relief, the calmness that he feels while he's here, side by side with Alfie. The appreciation, the comfort and the abstract feeling of being cared for, of knowing he has a safety net, that Alfie's got him just fine. The protectiveness, the overwhelming desire to look after him, to make sure that he is cared for just as much as Royce is. He shows him the ball of dread and anxiety dimmed down because of what Alfie shared with him.

Alfie makes him feel warm, and Royce tries to pass that on as much as he can. ]

[devoutish]

[Alfie takes his hand again, patting the back of it.]

It's all well and good to say it with words, but sometimes-- sometimes the words aren't enough, are they?

[bywolves]

Yeah. [ He murmurs. ] This is hard to deny. I don't... I don't have words for what you just gave me.

[devoutish]

But you've got the feelings, now. You don't need the words.